*** (for this article I want to be sensitive and yet truthful about our experience. It will be difficult to accomplish one without challenging the other. Since this is a record I will error on the side of truth so that I record an accurate account. I don't want it to sound insensitive because we grew to love and cherish Oliver as a family member devoting hours and hours to help him learn and grow.)
On Thursday, September 29 Oliver left our home to live with his permanent family. We were never supposed to have him forever, we were his welcome family - housing up to six weeks. We had him for four - it's great that CIEE found him a permanent home so quickly. It was a great experience to have someone from Germany (home of my ancestors) in our house for a month. Oliver was very good at speaking English and listened to our language use and vocabulary extensively - he is very interested in improving his English skills.
Oliver had some unique habits/preferences (obsessions) that challenged the countenance of our home, so although we were sad to see him go, it was also the right thing for everyone. Oliver was very opinionated in doing things his way despite good advice or adult (parental instruction).
The problems started to show up but on the 10th day after he came to live with us he made a costly bad choice. Oliver had wanted to change his school schedule, dropping Engineering Concepts in exchange for Guitar. We were fine with that providing his mother agreed. To take guitar each student has to purchase or rent a guitar. We needed her approval for the expense. It was made very clear to him (repeatedly) that we could not make the change until we had her approval, and yet he went to school and changed his schedule without permission, against our consent, and behind our backs. It created a whole new challenge for us - how can we trust him when he doesn't honor us as parents. It wasn't a misunderstanding or a mistake. He knew he wasn't supposed to do it and yet he did it anyway. He did what he wanted to do despite our instruction. That made me wonder if he would do the same for other "Absolute NO's" in our house. That was major! I couldn't trust him. Luckily his mom did approve the class and Oliver was happy.
A different challenge was that Oliver insisted on eating only 100% healthy food and yet eating approximately six times a day. He would eat 3-4 sandwiches at a time, and refused to eat anything else and was adamantly opposed to pizza. Well, that created a problem… we eat healthy, but not crazy healthy and no one in our house eats that much nor that often. He would take over an hour to eat. We enjoy our food, eat tasty healthy foods and YES, we eat pizza once a week (on Wednesdays between XC and church). As a foreign exchange student he is supposed to eat what the host family serves, and not create a problem. Well, even with the best of intentions, this unusual eating habit created much contention. Food disappeared quickly, instruction set in from both Mark and I and yet he refused to budge or adjust to our families eating style. It's hard enough for a mother (or the person that has "kitchen" as a chore) to clean the kitchen three times a day, but to see him sit in the kitchen six times in one day was just puzzling.
He also insisted on extensive exercising every day (even before doing homework). Again, our family is very active. All three kids run cross country (1.5 hours of working out every day after school and running in meets on Saturday) and Robert does soccer on the days he doesn't have XC. Mark and I work out or run regularly as well, but NO ONE can't function if they miss a workout or have to delay it for another responsibility. This again is where the problem set in. Oliver seemed to think he came to America to work out. It was his #1 priority (whereas it should have been school). He couldn't function if he didn't get to exercise and when he exercised he would spend over 3 hours at the gym (WOW!). Betsy found this to be obsessive… Exercise consumed his thoughts, when school, studies and homework should have come first. We talked to Oliver about a healthy schedule keeping school as the priority - giving himself 30-40 minute breaks to exercise, but he would leave and not come back as instructed. This caused for his grades to suffer along with the personality characteristic of procrastination.
Oliver was not used to HOMEWORK. He said he would have 0-30 minutes of homework a day in Germany. In America we can have 30 minutes or more per class in any given day. He was overwhelmed. Betsy worked with him every day after school to work out a plan (i.e.: 30 minutes of math, break for 30 minutes, shower, eat dinner, go back to homework, etc…), but Oliver would procrastinate or try to copy the work from Devon or Marissa (since they had some classes together). Betsy then had to step in and insist Oliver do his own work. This was very time consuming, and turned out to be pointless. It turned out that Oliver wasn't doing the homework because when she checked IC he had several assignments missing. He would say the teacher said it was okay… well, yes when he first came, but not 3-4 weeks after being at the school. Oliver should have been adjusted to the work and turning everything in on time like everyone else, but he was claiming he didn't understand so he could have more time, but this only created a bigger problem having the work load mount higher and higher. In the end, Oliver left with 2 F's in core content classes, and still no desire to put school work as his first priority. This broke Betsy's heart as she realized she had spent night after night trying to help him understand the importance of doing his work and giving him a plan to accomplish his tasks, only to find out he still hadn't finished the work. She had even driven him to school early for a make up quiz - only to find out that he didn't take it. WHY?
We still think of him often and miss his company. He had a wonderful way of asking questions and a keen interest in learning things that interested him. He is going to a great family and will remain at the same school so we hope to see him many times. We wish him all the best at a successful stay in America and hope he can humble himself to learn what his true priorities are. Best wishes Oliver!
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