Betsy's Family Blog: Lessons learned from American Mothers, Inc.

POWER OF POSITIVE PARENTING - Fall 2011

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!

The "Power of Positive Parenting" classes are starting come October!

Every THURSDAY MORNING,

Starting November 3, 2011

(with the exception of Thanksgiving and Winter Break)

at 8:45 a.m.

at Harmony Elementary School

Goshen, KY

Course Topics:

Week 1: Make Time for Positive Interactions

Week 2: Establishing and Communicating Expectations

Week 3: Establishing and Dispensing Consequences

Week 4: Picking Your Battles

Week 5: Staying Calm - Don't become part of the problem

Week 6: Reinforcing Appropriate Behaviors

Week 7: Letting your Love Show

Week 8: Helping your child succeed in School (involving the school counselor)

Lessons adapted from: The Power of Positive Parenting by: Dr. Glenn Latham

Parents: mothers, fathers, step, foster - anyone that deals with kids

is welcome to attend the "Power of Positive Parenting Classes"

The classes are one hour long each week for eight (8) weeks

The cost is only $10 total! (not per class)

To register - email Betsy Lowe at betsy4kids@aol.com

Any question or if you are interested in starting your own group - please contact Betsy Lowe at the above email or at 749-4339.

The heart of it: Research has shown that the most effective way to reduce problem behavior in children is to strengthen desirable behavior through positive reinforcements rather than to weaken undesirable behavior using aversive or negative processes.
- S. W. Bijou (The International Encyclopedia of Education, 1988)

Tips from Lesson 1

Make time for positive interaction.

It's easy to take time when everything is going good and you are enjoying the moment. What we are going to discuss here is taking time at those critical unenjoyable moments to make them the best they can be.

1. Using time to cool down. Ask yourself - what is a good way to put distance between an impulse to do or say something you'll regret? Find a way that works for you to cool down before reacting to a frustrating or upsetting situation. Some people count to ten, some take a deep breath and blow it out slowly (maybe a few times), some go out of the room and then return, some close their eyes and envision a peaceful place… whatever works for you - use it

Avoid making decisions, issuing ultimatums, reprimanding, and laying down the law when you are angry.

Maintain your composure and using time - you demonstrate to the child that you are in control. You set an example. You establish that home is a stable, predictable and sturdy place.

2. Use time to heal emotional wounds. It's not necessary for the parent to always be right. If you have yelled, blown up, said something you regret - apologize and make right the situation.

3. Time to Build their esteem - esteem is the foundation on which one's life is built

4. Behavior over time as a function of age - The family value system is the anchor of the family. Be sure to establish the value of time for family. Take time to create and establish the value system that works for your family. No value system, no anchor.

5. Take time for positive moments while you can. Make time - so many times there isn't time. We are busy being parents we forget to take time to make lasting memories of "good times" with our kids. Take time to color with them, kick a soccer ball, go for a walk, help them with homework, bake cookies together, play games (computer, video, card or board). Smile, laugh and have fun together.

Tips from Lesson 2

Establishing and Communication Expectations

1. At the onset, make certain your children understand exactly what you expect of them.

Rather than simply telling children what you expect of them, role play those expectations to make sure they have the same understanding.

Are you absolutely sure your children know exactly what you expect of them?

Behavior becomes a pattern or habit…establish good habits early to establish good behavior

2. Be sure to get a substantive response so you know they heard you and understand you.

3. If you are talking to more than one child, direct your question to one child by name, and then the other child.

4. If a child tries to get off topic, simple redirect your original question. Children often try to skirt the issue, just reiterate the original message. This is called the broken record approach. It instructs us that if a child's response is not in line with what we expect, ignore that response completely and restate, perhaps rephrase, the question.

Pay no attention to inconsequential behaviors you don't want to repeat.

5. If the child has a hard time repeating the expectation, or doesn't know the answer, simply remind the child to pay attention. "Listen carefully, (name) …"

6. Give the children the opportunity to practice the behavior that is being taught.

With each successful practice, acknowledge that success both verbally and physically. A sincere hug is great!

7. Model to follow:

First - tell them

Second - show them

Third - do it together

Forth - have them tell you

Fifth - have them show you

8. Once the parent is absolutely certain the children have a clear understanding of what is expected, it is time to discuss consequences for compliance and non compliance.

Never tell children something they already know - let them tell you.

* It is important to keep in mind that what people do, that is, how they behave is put into action by some kind of prompt or cue. Parents' expectations and directives are types of prompts. If children have clear, working understanding of their parents' expectations, and understand the consequences of meeting or not meeting them, they are more inclined to behave appropriately.

Tips from Lesson 3

Establishing and Dispensing the Consequence for Compliance and Non Compliance

1. Consequences come in two forms: natural and social

A natural consequence is one which is directly related to the behavior, such as getting burned while playing carelessly with matches.

A social consequence is a consequence that makes sense, but which are not necessarily directly linked to the behavior.

Social consequences are often used to teach lessons that would otherwise be learned only at great risk.

2. Consequences must be clearly understood at the outset by parents and children.

3. Consequences must be reasonable, and enforceable

Keep it real - it must be reasonable for the offense and you must be able to enforce it

4. Parents must be consistent in enforcing the consequence of a behavior

5. Examples of Expectations and Consequences

The Lowe Laws...